I woke this morning to sweaty sheets and the corners of a dream cutting into me. I threw off the covers and while I evaporated I recovered pieces of it. And realized it was a memory, not a dream.
One of my earliest memories was being in a white dress (must have been 4 or younger) and new white sandals with metal buckles. I guess mom was talking to friends out by the recreation center, cause she let me go explore. There was a scrubby dry marsh behind the apartment complex, so I carefully took off my new shoes and went wandering in to explore. I have no idea how long I was out there, but I remember the colors and textures of the bushes around me.
When she called me back, I went looking for the shoes, and only found 1 of them. I don't know why, why would I have taken them off in different places? She was furious, dragging me around the area where I thought I'd left them, to no avail. Then she spanked me. That was the part I remember most, being yanked up by my arm and smacked repeatedly for losing an expensive new pair of shoes.
To this day, my mom says she has never spanked me. But she did many many times, the last one I was 12. I remember many of them. How can she blot out every one of them? I remember that I learned to cry and scream as soon as she started hitting me so she'd think she was inflicting enough pain and stop sooner.
And now that I think about it, I've never owned a pair of white sandals in my life.
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